Jacob's Secret
by WhaleBone
Summary: What's wrong with Jacob? Is he gonna DIE?
1. Unexpected

Disclaimer: Well _obviously_ I don't own Twilight; if I did Jake and Eddie would have to sex all the time for my viewing pleasure! I don't own House either. Go ahead and sue me; you're welcome to three pennies and a sock. Oh, and for future reference, _italics_ means Eddie is doing his vampire mindreading/telepathy thing on somebody.

Edward and Jacob were boning up in Edward's room. Jake loved the view of the forests of Washington that Edward's glass-wall/giant window thing provided; it made him feel like an eagle soaring high above the Earth. He kissed Edward's nipple as Edward boned him hard.

"Ohhh, Eddie!," Jake moaned as they did it like on the Discovery channel. Edward just grunted and kept thrusting. Jake kept moaning his delight—but suddenly his jaw slammed shut with a yelp of horror, Edward barely suppressing a howl of pain as the werewolf's fangs tore off a rather tender piece of skin. Jacob shoved Edward off him, scrambling over to cower behind the piano.

"Eddie, what the _hell_ is that?," he demanded, pointing towards the bookshelf full of classic books and old records—the top of which was covered in cat and rabbit corpses, some of them dangling little bloody paws down as if to select their favorite from among the items of Edward's collection. Edward—nipple beginning to heal even as he tugged a shirt back on—followed his gaze and sighed sheepishly.

"I caught us a snack. I thought we might be hungry after…you know. I wanted to surprise you."

Jacob—who was still staring at the mini massacre with an expression between shock and sheer dumbfoundedness-nodded woodenly. He turned back to Edward, his dark face going suddenly pale.

"Right. I…yeah. Just a sec…"

He was out of the room in a flash, making tracks for the much-unused lavatory in the upstairs hall. As vampires have no need of such facilities it rarely saw much use unless Bella or Jake came over. It was being copiously used now, as Edward could hear with distaste. That was one advantage to being undead though; you never got hit with that yucky reflex to puke as well whenever somebody else was hurling. Which Jacob was, big time. Edward went to dutifully hold back Jake's hair—he'd let it grow long again because Edward liked to run his fingers through it. What a pair they made—the shorter, paler boy in a blood-spotted shirt and nothing else, holding back the hair of a very naked, vomiting native American with semen dribbling down his leg. Thus was the scene Carlisle walked in on, looking scholarly and mildly concerned as always.

"What happened?," he enquired as he moved to take Edward's place without flinching. Edward let him, though he kept a hand on Jake's shoulder, ready to catch his boyfriend should he pass out.

"I don't know," he replied sadly, "He just…suddenly looked pale and then…this started."

It was all the more confusing because some dead animals shouldn't have affected him like that. Jacob Black loved horror movies, and the gorier the better. A few dead rodents should have been no big deal to him. At last the stricken Quileute sat up again, swiping at his mouth with a shaking hand. Carlisle held him upright, a palm to Jake's sweat-beaded brow.

"I can't tell," he concluded at last, "if he is any warmer than usual. Jacob—how do you feel now? Any pain?"

Once he'd got his breath Jacob nodded, reaching out to close and flush the toilet—very pointedly not looking at its contents.

"Y-yeah. Um ..a few days now…here," he supplied, touching the region of his lower abdomen. Carlisle's brow furrowed as he helped Jake stand and carefully palpitated the area in question—taking care, of course, to avoid certain spots.

"There's definite tenderness," he mused, and "it almost feels like something is there."

Straightening up he turned to the boys.

"Get cleaned up and meet me at the car. We're going to my office to investigate this further. "

The drive was uneventful, save that they had to stop twice, once to let Jake pee and again so he could puke some more. His dark eyes were beginning to sink back in their sockets, Carlisle noted worriedly—he was getting very dehydrated. The doctor was still mulling over I.V fluids and parental consent forms when they pulled up at Forks General.

"You two stay here; I'm going to get him signed in and smooth the way, as it were. Jacob, let Edward and I do most of the talking, all right?"

Jake nodded tiredly, squeezing Edward's hand. Edward squeezed back.

_I love you._

_I love you too. Don't worry, you're going to be fine. Carlisle and I will make sure of it._

**DUN-DUN-DUN! What's wrong with Jake? How did he and Eddie wind up together? And is Jakey gonna DIE? *big eyes* Tune in to the next exciting chapter and find out!**


	2. An Old Friend

Author's note: I still don't own House or Twilight. Nope-nope. If I did it'd be all about the ThirteenXAlice girlieslash. Maybe next story. As a reminder, _italics_ is vampire-mindreading. WARNING! THIS CHAPTER HAS MANSEX IN IT SO IF YOU DU LEIK, DUN REED!

Carlisle returned minutes later, his eyes the amber-gold that meant he was worried or upset. He smiled to the boys, though, especially seeing Edward and Jacob's clasped hands. Ah, young love. If he thought back a couple of hundred years he could almost remember what that had been like. He'd been married, hadn't he? And maybe she was killed…

Blinking the ghost-reverie away, he gestured for the two to get out of the car.

"He's all checked in. Charlie and your sisters are on the way, Jake. Emmet and Jasper are distracting Bella and Alice. Rosalie…is sulking somewhere, I think. Anyhow. Shall we?"

Jacob's anxiety level seemed to increase a great deal as they made their way to the exam room, his heartbeat getting louder and faster. This did not go unnoticed by either of his vampire companions, both of whom had to wrest back control of themselves from that primal being that wanted to pounce on the Quileute and suck him dry. This took the form of much rapid blinking, in an attempt to turn their eyes back from blacked-over sclera into a more normal shade (one unlikely to send onlookers scattering with cries of horror.) Eventually both managed to attain a sort of coffee-ish color, and then they were helping Jacob onto the paper-covered table. Edward combed his fingers through Jake's hair comfortingly as they waited for the doctor to arrive.

"I pulled some strings," Carlisle said suddenly, not looking at either of them but continuing to intently watch the door, "and got an old friend of mine to agree to come to us for a consultation. He's somewhat…abrupt, and perhaps more direct than you're likely used to, but I assure you he's one of the best. He will find out what's ailing you, by sheer dint of stubbornness."

Jacob gave a shaky smile at that.

"He sounds a lot like someone I know," he remarked, glancing between the both of them but refusing to say another word despite a smirk. Edward quirked a brow curiously at him, but Jake shook his head coyly. Edward's eyes went gold again.

_Tell me?_

Again, Jake shook his head with an almost playful smile. Edward too gave a little grin and reached up to gently brush his hand along Jacob's side. Very few knew just how ticklish the werewolf was. Sure enough, the light little touch caused Jacob to twist away with a cute little squeak that set Edward's undead heart fluttering. He kissed Jake, who had finally relented.

_He reminds me of you, that's all. You're stubborn as they come and I love you for it._

Jake returned the kiss, seemingly have forgotten how terrible he'd been feeling earlier. He wrapped his arms around Edward's neck as the latter scooped him off the table and held him up as they deepened the kiss. Yet another perk to vampirism; if all you can taste is blood, then puke-breath is nothing to you. Jake licked lightly at one of Edward's fangs, causing a tiny dribble of his blood to slip into the revenant's mouth and be duly swallowed. For a moment a sable thread swirled in Edward's mocha eyes as he fought back the Beast that inwardly howled for more. He pressed Jacob against the wall as the latter sighed blissfully and rubbed against the throbbing exclamation mark in Edward's pants. Edward nibbled on his earlobe.

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: the mansex starts now, so skip this part if you dun like it!**_

_Carlisle's not looking; we might have some time. You wanna?_

Jake groaned and nodded, reaching down to undo his jeans and slip them down. Holding onto Edward he started to have hot man sex with him, biting on his arm to keep from yelling from how good it felt. His butt was tingling and it felt like an organism.

"Oh Eddie, fuck me so hard! WOOF!"

Edward muttered something in one of the many languages he knew, and then they climaxed.

_**Author's note: okay the man sex ends here so you can start reading again if you stopped**_

Carlisle was still diligently looking away, reading a poster on the exam room wall as the boys got their clothes back in order. A sharp tapping coming towards them down the hall startled them, though Carlisle seemed delighted. The man who entered was neatly-dressed, grey-haired, and looked to be in his forties. He appeared to rely heavily on a cane to walk. He scowled at the boys initially (Edward having quickly and somewhat guiltily set Jake back down on the table so the doctor wouldn't see what they'd been doing) but then he spotted Carlisle and his expression became a disbelieving smile.

"Carlisle Cullen, you creepy son of a bitch! How are you?"

He hobbled over to shake with the vampire, who smiled warmly and shook—drawing the other very reluctantly into a hug. Then he drew back to gesture to the boys.

"Edward, Jacob, this is Dr. Gregory House, my old roommate in med school."

**Whoa, who'd have thought it! Anyhoo, Review and favorite and Jakey and Eddie will take their shirts off!**


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